Putting the "MO" in MOFO since 2004

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

 

Cornucopia

Here is some advice: That saying about the pen being mightier than the sword? It's completely accurate. It's much easier to impale yourself with a pen.

If you are tempted to use the web-log forum to hash out hurt feelings in an honest, allbeit generally passive aggressive manner, DON'T. Think to yourself, before you hit publish, "is there a part of me that is angry right now? Is this the most appropriate forum in which to express these thoughts? Am I feeling a twinge of passive aggression? Am I doing someone a disservice by revealing this?" If the answer is yes to any one of those questions, stop right there. Because I just impaled myself on my own pen. They say hindsight is 20/20. My feelings were real, without question. However, my judgement was impaired by my need to...to... express my hurt in a way that didn't include owning up to my own feelings to the appropriate people in the most healthy way. I am counting down the days to my next therapy appointment. Thus is the trainwreck I have made of my life. It happens. I am trying to remind myself that I am still a nice person. Misguided at times, and certainly passive aggressive on occasion, but definitely not evil.

On to things that make me happy:

My daughter Maggie
Maggie's pink cowboy boots
Maggie's pink cheeks
Being understood
My dogs
Jon Stewart
Funny thoughful comments
Backrubs
Jim's shoulders and hands
Goofing around with my sisters
Saturday mornings
Peeking in on my sleeping daughter
Going for walks with friends and having good talks
Being treated respectfully
Hugs from my mom. She gives good ones
Sympathy from my dad. He's always got my back
Laughing so hard I can't breathe
Reconnecting with friends I have drifted from
Staying connected with friends I have not
Turtles (don't ask me why, I can't tell you, they just make me happy)
Hearing Maggie say "Fishy" She pronounces it "SHSH-Shee"
Soduko
Finding connections with people you didn't think you had connections with
Chilren laughing
Big bear hugs when I feel lonely
Seeing my nieces grow into amazing people I want to hang out with
A good cry
Sympathetic ears
A good pair of jeans
Forgiveness
Sitting in the sun
My sisters
The breeze when it feels like warm vibes washing over you
Moments when you stop and look at something and are astonished by the beauty of it
Moments when you stop and think about how grateful you are to be alive and to know the people that you know
Thinking of my grandmother Devoy saying "good gravy!" and "Meggity"
Thinking of my Grandma Townsend calling me into her room to give me two dollars. When I was twenty. Because that is how she said "I love you"
Feeling relieved
A pat on the back from my father-in-law
Maggie going "MMMM" when she gives a kiss
Sticking up for myself, even though it's really hard
Chocolate. The good kind that makes me weak in the knees
Watching Maggie with my mother-in-law
Kissing Maggie's head
Watching TV with my sisters
Feeling crazy and finding out you're not crazy from someone who then tells you exactly why you're not crazy and it makes perfect sense
Peace and quiet
Joyous hullabaloo
Seeing the truth for a change, and accepting it instead of trying to change it
Patty Griffin's voice
Feeling comfortable in my own skin
Being talked down from a panic attack by someone who loves me and understands and actually gets me to laugh in my freaked out state
Doing things that scare me
Breaking bad habits and growing from the experience
Being brave enough to admit fault and move on
Going to sleep when my head is tired from too much thinking
Singing to my daughter

2 Comments:

Blogger Prego said...

Nice retraction. I was wondering what was up. Hopefully nobody got their feelings hurt. That's why I work under strict anonymity, that way I can write about what a fat ass my friend Mike's wife has, how my friend Michelle's son has homosexual tendencies and how I rifled through the hamper at Tony's house and found his hidden stash of Swank magazine and a few ounces of Matanuska Thunderf*ck.

6:01 AM  
Blogger missjackie said...

I like the idea of recounting good things.

I had a friend that used to write a list of everything that she was thankful for before she went to bed at night. Sounds a little dorky, I guess, but this really helped her to get through some tough times (e.g., her mother's death) while maintaining a positive attitude.

5:08 PM  

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