Putting the "MO" in MOFO since 2004

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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

 

Star of the Produce Parade

My daughter Maggie acts as though a trip to the grocery store is the world’s most mind-blowing, fanciful experience imaginable. She’s not stuck in a cart running mundane errands with Mommy. She is touring the wonders of Charlie’s Chocolate factory whilst waving from her very own convertible parade-float / grocery cart to all her adoring spectators who, in her mind, came out just to see the Maggie Parade.

She glides along regally as I toss tuna fish and mayonnaise into the cart.

Elbow elbow, Wrist wrist.

Your average shopper might think it’s just a trip to the grocery store. HA! What fools! This is the Maggie show! Full of delights and fantastic things to see and eat!

We meander down the aisles and she does her best to initiate eye contact with unsuspecting shoppers. “Hi!” she implores, tilting her head upwards to get noticed.

If her greeting goes unnoticed, she ups the ante and shouts a little louder, with gusto. “HI!!!” She cranes her neck to place herself in their line of vision.

And if she gets no response she practically implodes with unrequited desperate yearning and increases the decibel level to an eardrum piercing level. “HI!!!!!!!!!!” she shouts desperately, as her head bounces up and down like an overly caffeinated orangutan.

More often than not, the preoccupied shopper looks up, smiles, and returns the greeting. Maggie nods her head satisfactorily and moves on to seek a response from the next unsuspecting shopper.

We eventually make our way to the produce section where the child’s eyes literally light up with delight. “Mmmmmmmmm!” she exclaims as we approach a pile of avocado’s. “Mmmmmmmmm!” she squeals and wiggles with excitement as we move towards a mountain of bananas. Each new mound of fruit and vegetable provokes an “UMMMMMM!” which increase in pitch and volume. These exquisite displays of magical treats placed just for her viewing pleasure! She tries frantically to reach the goodies I place in the cart, just out of the reach of her chubby toddler arms.

By the time we make it to the checkout line, her patience is completely shot. The anxiety begat by having to sit in a cart full of the world’s most intoxicating treats which she is not yet allowed to eat, gets the better of her. She breaks down. About the time the cashier wrestles the last pint of strawberries from her freakishly strong grip, she loses it. Game over. And I take her kicking and wiggling and sobbing and screeching from the store to the car, where she gazes vacantly out the window. A hollow shell of her earlier glorious parade float self. Sniffle.

When we get home, I put Maggie in her high chair and offer her samples of the washed fruit and delectable treats and all seems to be forgiven. She can be bought with food. She is her mother’s daughter after all.

10 Comments:

Blogger Casey said...

Kids are amazing

2:14 PM  
Blogger Rude Cactus said...

That's great. Just be warned. If she digs the grocery store, her head might explode if you ever get her around Disneyland.

4:40 PM  
Blogger k said...

I have to put the bananas in the very middle of the cart, lest the 2 1/2 year old find a way to reach them from one side or the other. If he DID reach them, I have no doubt that he would peel and eat them all on the spot, while my back is turned at the deli counter.

6:52 PM  
Blogger k said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:52 PM  
Blogger God's Child said...

I can already envision her career as chef with her own tv show.

1:38 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

Same problem here with the bananas. It's impossible to explain to a toddler that she may not have one until they are WEIGHED. They don't have a UPC code on the peel that can be scanned even after the contents have been consumed.

3:09 PM  
Blogger Beth Fish said...

At least she is getting excited about the fruit and not the Snickers. Ummmmm.... Snickers.

5:42 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Hah! This is a great entry. Shopping with one kid is fun. Three kids? Not so much.

We usually get a big baguette and let the kids chew on the crusty end as we shop. Keeps them busy, and is less messy than, say, crackers.

8:08 PM  
Blogger miss jackie said...

How great it must be that she is actually fascinated by fruits and vegetables! Most kids that I see crying at the checkout stand are crying over some purple-packaged candy that these stores so auspiciously place at the checkout stands at the eye-level of five-year olds!

12:09 AM  
Anonymous pariswriter said...

I really love your writing! I have a 2 year old and she still does the "Hiiii" thing to anyone and everyone, so I can relate.

She did it once when we were sitting in a cafe - leant over to the guy sitting behind us and YELLED at the top of her voice in his ear "HIIIIII!!". He nearly jumped out of his skin. It was priceless!! :)

Am just new to your blog, which I am loving, btw!

2:52 AM  

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